pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
