We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
