If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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