i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my fart just growled at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
