come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
