There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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