just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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