New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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