would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
