He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
