Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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