i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
