don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
