she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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