last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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