If i come over, it means nothing
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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