Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
