wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
sex in a hospital.. check
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
