the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
