I am puke
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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