i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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