Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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