I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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