She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
