Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
