My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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