Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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