I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
