I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
