I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
