please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
