I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
