I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
