Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
