I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
