So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
