too bad you live with your parents still
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
