Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
