last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
