I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
