They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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