Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
