From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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