So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
