Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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