I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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