matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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