i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
