then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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