can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
