doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
