We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
