I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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