i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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