i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you have to choose: penises or morals?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
