Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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