well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think my fart just growled at me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Boobs are out for the taking
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
