hotel room ftw
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
