Me. At least after what I've been through.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
