mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
