I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone signed my nipple.
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