i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
