I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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