Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
