Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
