so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
