u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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