Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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